Thursday, May 28, 2009
Twitter Suspended My Account
My Twitter account has been suspended. It seems I violated the Terms of Service and Rules policy, specifically, "You may not use our service for any unlawful purposes or for promotion of illegal activity." In my defense, I was referring to a news story that was reported on most Internet news services, including time.com. Red Bull Cola was pulled from store shelves in Germany because trace amounts of cocaine were found in the drink. Yesterday, in my blog, I estimated that it would take at least 400 cans of the popular energy drink to get high on the cocaine. In my Twitter comment, I wrote: "Red Bull Cola is pulled from the stores in Germany; 0.13 micrograms of cocaine found in drink. I just bought 400 cans." Then I sent out another message with a link to my web page: "I'm getting high on Red Bull." Within a half hour I was informed on my Twitter page that my account had been suspended due to "strange activity." If you would have read my blog yesterday, you would have learned that although the amount of cocaine found in the drinks was insignificant, because of the high sugar and caffeine content, anything close to 25 cans would have caused cardiac arrest. Now, because of an innocent and obviously satirical comment, I'm being investigated by the FBI, NSA, IRS, INS, CBI, and the ASPCA. On the bright side, however, I've hired a publicist and I'm selling my life story to the highest bidder. So far, ABC has contacted me about doing a reality show based on my triumph over adversity; how I overcame my criminal past. I don't want to seem like I'm capitalizing on my criminal exploits, so I plan on doing only one interview - "The Rachel Maddow Show." All I need is a little publicity so that I can start up a criminal defense fund. And the best way to get the word out is, you guessed it; Twitter.