Monday, May 18, 2009

New Uses For Dick Cheney's Bunker

News reports surfaced over the weekend that Joe Biden revealed the location of Dick Cheney's bunker, where the former Vice President hid out after 9/11. It turns out the steel-enforced bomb shelter is located right under the Naval Observatory in Washington, the official home of the Vice President. While Cheney hid out for most of the Bush Administration in his "undisclosed location," Biden is not as secretive as Cheney, and a few days ago he even went out for burgers with the President. Reports that Biden uses the bunker for poker games with his staff are not true, according to an unidentified spokesman. However, the Vice President makes use of the room, which houses a multi-million dollar communications system, to play video games. His favorite is "Grand Theft Auto," but he plays a lot of Wii bowling, because President Obama won't let him into the White House bowling alley. As to what to do with the room now that Cheney is no longer hiding from nuclear attack, an unofficial poll of registered Democrats (there weren't enough Republicans to poll) has come up with interesting results. 23% believe Cheney should be locked in the bunker so we don't have to listen to him on the news every day defending torture; 16% think the room should be rented out to a college student; 8% want it to be replaced by a bowling alley; 6% think the government should test the bunker by blowing it up with a nuclear bomb; and the rest, 47%, think we should blow it up with a nuclear bomb with Cheney in it, to see if he actually would survive. The poll has a 3% margin of error.


  1. I'm with the 47%. Anything to keep him off the news.

  2. Based on the results of this experiment, we may have to add Cheney to the list of things that would remain after a nuclear blast - along with cockroaches and Twinkies.