Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Cheney's Head Appears Larger
An anonymous source has reported that former Vice President Dick Cheney has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs, which explains his recent erratic behavior. A spokesman for Cheney said that the drugs were not steroids and were completely legal. "They achieved their goal, and we don't consider them steroids," the spokesman said. "He was using performance-enhancing drugs, but they worked. That makes them legal. Therefore they were not steroids, and he would never do something like that." However, many people are wondering why Cheney's head seems to be getting larger. Certain types of steroid use cause skull growth and create an unmistakable "steroid head" look, made famous by baseball great Barry Bonds. A CBS spokesman says that Cheney does not have "steroid head", but that his head appears larger because of the new technology used in high-definition television (HDTV). When filmed in HDTV, objects will appear larger on the old-fashioned low-resolution television screens.