Twitter Suspended My Account

My Twitter account has been suspended. It seems I violated the Terms of Service and Rules policy, specifically, "You may not use our service for any unlawful purposes or for promotion of illegal activity." In my defense, I was referring to a news story that was reported on most Internet news services, including time.com. Red Bull Cola was pulled from store shelves in Germany because trace amounts of cocaine were found in the drink. Yesterday, in my blog, I estimated that it would take at least 400 cans of the popular energy drink to get high on the cocaine. In my Twitter comment, I wrote: "Red Bull Cola is pulled from the stores in Germany; 0.13 micrograms of cocaine found in drink. I just bought 400 cans." Then I sent out another message with a link to my web page: "I'm getting high on Red Bull." Within a half hour I was informed on my Twitter page that my account had been suspended due to "strange activity." If you would have read my blog yesterday, you would have learned that although the amount of cocaine found in the drinks was insignificant, because of the high sugar and caffeine content, anything close to 25 cans would have caused cardiac arrest. Now, because of an innocent and obviously satirical comment, I'm being investigated by the FBI, NSA, IRS, INS, CBI, and the ASPCA. On the bright side, however, I've hired a publicist and I'm selling my life story to the highest bidder. So far, ABC has contacted me about doing a reality show based on my triumph over adversity; how I overcame my criminal past. I don't want to seem like I'm capitalizing on my criminal exploits, so I plan on doing only one interview - "The Rachel Maddow Show." All I need is a little publicity so that I can start up a criminal defense fund. And the best way to get the word out is, you guessed it; Twitter.

Cocaine Found In Red Bull Cola

Stores in Germany are pulling Red Bull Cola drinks off the shelf after tests found trace amounts of cocaine in the product. However, Germany's Federal Institute for Risk Assessment said Monday that the level, 0.13 micrograms per liter, was too low to pose a health risk. A Red Bull spokesman said that the drink is sold in the U.S. and Europe and is both "harmless and marketable." Coca leaf extracts are used in the product worldwide, and the levels are so low that you would have to drink at least 400 cans of the drink to get a a cocaine high. Even if it were possible to drink that much Red Bull Cola, it would be much cheaper just to buy cocaine. And the sugar and caffeine content of the drink would probably send you into cardiac arrest before you reach 25 cans. Fritz Soergel, the head of the Institute for Biomedical and Pharmaceutical Research in Neuremberg, Bavaria, told Time magazine: "If you start examining lots of other drinks and food so carefully, you'd find a lot of surprising things." Jelly, for instance, is allowed to have insect parts, as long as they don't exceed arbitrary amounts set by the Food and Drug Administration. And bottled water has been found to have high levels of arsenic and other contaminants such as lead and aluminum, but nobody's pulling it off store shelves. Experts tell us the levels of contaminants in bottled water are too low to cause a problem. Cocaine, sugar and caffeine vs. arsenic, lead and aluminum. I'm switching to Red Bull Cola.