CIA Beerboarding Tactics Exposed

Earlier this week I commented on the use of sugarless cookies used by former FBI interrogator Ali Soufan to soften up Osama bin Laden's bodyguard Abu Jandal, a diabetic, who gave up the identities of seven of the 9/11 terrorists, according to Time magazine. This alternative to waterboarding is safe and effective, but I voiced my concern that sugar-free cookies might not be available in the "ticking time-bomb" scenario as seen on TV shows like "24" and countless movies. Let's say for instance, that we don't have any baked goods. On the other hand, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was waterboarded 183 times, over the course of a month, so it seems his interrogators would have been able to get some cookies, candy, ice cream, or other goodies at some point after 20 or 30 waterboarding sessions. It turns out the interrogators used what was easiest and most available; water. Recent reports indicate that interrogators even used bottled water, which was easily available. I reported that 2-liter bottles of 7-Up reportedly work just as effectively. One of our readers, Marc (possibly a pseudonym), commented on a secret and highly classified form of torture. "The CIA has discovered a new enhanced interrogation technique that involves forcing terror suspects to down a six-pack of Miller Genuine Draft", Marc wrote. "By doing so, the suspects are given the illusion that they are getting drunk and having a good time, which lowers their inhibitions. This technique is known in the field as 'beerboarding'." Because of the highly classified nature of beerboarding, the CIA has seized my computer and they are now looking for Marc. It seems that terrorist suspects were getting fat as a result of this technique and that because of this, and this is a gray area, it could fall in the category of torture. To combat this problem, and to adhere to the Geneva Conventions, our reader Harrison suggests Light beer: "We don't want them to get fat, right?" he wrote in our comment section. This is not the first time the use of beerboarding has been mentioned. As early as November 3, 2007, the website flyingdebri.com mentioned the controversial technique. However, it's the first time it's been linked to Miller Genuine Draft, and this has caught the attention of the CIA. Marc has some explaining to do, but anonymous sources indicate he's claimed political asylum in Finland. In the meantime, Dick Cheney is defending the practice, and Fox News host Sean Hannity has agreed to be beerboarded for charity. For more on the "Waterboarding vs. Cookieboarding vs. Beerboarding" debate, check out our Tuesday, June 2 blog and the responses by Marc and Harrison in our comments section.